Spam, wonderful spam

Spam.

It used to be that when we heard this work we thought of a canned meat.

The makers of spam should sue the internet, probably Al Gore since he created it. Who turned this word into a bad one?

Spam is the internet word for junk email.

The main thing I think of when I hear spam is the Monty Python skit that features the Vikings singing “spam, spam, spam, wonderful spam,” frequently. I think you have to be a Monty Python fan to appreciate that.

I looked spam up on Wikipedia and was surprised to learn some of what I did. Spamming actually began on the chatroom message boards as a way to keep unwanted guests out. While I certainly remember the message boards from the late 80s, I don’t remember much spam. Course, I was generally a “lurker,” because it was all so new to me back then.
Apparently, though, when an unwanted guest would enter a chatroom, several of the members would flood the chat screen with the words to the song mentioned above, essentially filling the screen with “spam.” The unwanted guest would get irritated and leave, thus accomplishing the desire of the spammers.

Kinda funny, isn’t it?

But it’s changed since then.

I can’t count the number of spam messages I get in a day. I get so much junk email now, it’s almost funny. Almost. Wikipedia reports an estimated 55 billion e-mail spam were sent each day in June 2006, an increase of 25 billion per day from June 2005. Wikipedia further reports that “products” are 25 percent of categorized email spam, “financial” is 20 percent, “adult” is 19 percent, “scams” are nine percent. The rest of the list includes health, internet, leisure and spiritual.

I think I must get just about everything on that list:

I get messages about stopping smoking.
I never started.

I get messages trying to sell me something.
I don’t have the money for it.

I get messages trying to sell me Viagra.
I’m not that old yet.

I get messages about losing weight.
I need to call my doctor and discuss hipaa laws.

I get messages about male enhancement.
See above.

The most recent spat of messages I get are secret messages sent only to me. I know that’s true because the message says so. Generally, it’s either from some rogue agent in a third world country, or from the widow of a multi-billionaire. Both claim to be trying to hide money from the government so they won’t A) lose it to the government or B) lose most of it to the government in taxes. Some of them claim they have to find an “heir” or the money will be lost forever and they want me to be that heir.

They then ask for all my personal information, including bank account numbers and such.
Wiki says that as much as 80 percent of spam received by internet users in North America and Europe can be traced to less than 600 spammers.

That’s a lot of spam.

I don’t remember exactly what Spam is. I remember not really liking the meat and I sure don’t like the junk email.

A few years back we had our telephone number added to the “do not call list,” and that helped our phone solicitations. Shame we don’t have a “do not email list.” I’d be the first to sign up.