Shoe politics: left or right?

My left shoe always comes untied.

Yeah, I know that I talked about shoes before, but I’m gonna do it again. Last time I was talking about my “nicer” shoes, the black ones that I wear with my slacks and all. I don’t have a problem with them coming untied—they just squeak. Although, someone did write in to ask if maybe they weren’t squeaky because they were “squeaky clean.”

But I’m talking about my tennis shoes now.

I have two sets of tennis shoes. I’ve got my “nice” tennis shoes and my…other pair. Should I call them my “not-nice” pair…or maybe my “naughty” pair?

I wear my nice pair with my casual clothes to work or to Sunday evening Church. I wear the other pair to the ball game or just out and about. The thing is, they are the more comfortable shoes.

Let me also point out that before I was married, I only had one pair of tennis shoes. They were my shoes for all occasions—I didn’t have a pair of “dress” tennis shoes.

Have you noticed how it seems like there are so many options with tennis shoes? It could be that I was just too young to care, but I don’t remember all the different options several years ago. You can now pick up walking tennis shoes, track tennis shoes, running tennis shoes, high-top tennis shoes, casual tennis shoes and I guess even tennis tennis shoes.

I suspect the problem is that we’ve “branded” them, much like I’ve talked about Southerners doing with Coke. We have a tendency to just call them all tennis shoes. Stores, and some non-Southerners, now refer to them as sneakers.

I just can’t call them that (much like I can’t call Coke “soda”—just can’t do it). It sounds too goofy.

Sneakers sounds like a descriptive term for people who sneak around. As in, “Caleb is a sneaker.” Almost sounds like an insult. I’ve heard folks younger than me even shorten that to sneaks, as in “let me grab my sneaks.”

So, why is it that my left tennis always comes untied? I’m talking about my nicer pair not the ballpark pair. I go through the same process with each shoe; every time I tie them I tie them exactly the same way. My right shoe can make it through an entire day without a single retying. My left, on the other foot, must be retied several times a day.

Why is that? I’m not right-shoe biased or anything like that. I don’t have it out for my left foot. I rather like my left foot. It is usually in charge of my second step.

If it were my father-in-law’s shoes, I could offer an explanation for it. See, his right foot has the tendency to be very heavy, especially when driving. If they were his shoes, I’d say the left shoe is untied in an effort to hold back the right.

If the shoe was a Democrat, it’d say that all other shoes must give up a portion of their laces to replace the faulty one—because it is obviously the lace’s fault.

If the shoe was a Republican, it’d say that staying tied is a fair and competitive democratic process and that if it can’t stay tied then it will be replaced by one that can.

Wait! That’s it! Let’s blame the laces. I’m sure it isn’t user error.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Shoe politics: left or right?

  1. Pingback: Shoe politics: left or right?

  2. Quinton

    I totally think it’s weird when people call “Coke” soda or pop or even SODA POP. I call “Sprite”….SPRITE: “Coke”…COKE: “Dr.Pepper”… Dr PEPPER. Just like my shoes; I call my dress shoes… DRESS SHOES and my Tennis shoes I call either SHOES or NIKES [if they are]. I have some Northern Kin by marriage and when they ask if I want a “POP” I tell them “If you want a SOCK.”

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