Is bathroom humor ever clean?

I enjoy bathroom humor. Nah, not the really gross and vulgar kind but the clean kind–if there is such a thing. The thing about the bathroom and bathroom activities is that they aren’t just something folks like to talk about. We’re embarrassed about it…yet we all do it. There’s no getting around it—it’s human.
I can just hear the groans now as you attempt to anticipate what I’m gonna say next.

Many of you know I lived with Mom and Dad after I’d taken the job in Piggott and while I was waiting on my family to arrive. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate them putting up with me those weeks. It’d been nearly 20 years since I’d “lived” at home.
A lot of things can change in 20 years. They’d added an extra shower curtain rod in the shower. No curtain, just a rod. The main problem is that it is over the center of the tub. I stand at allllllmost 6’4”…almost. The rod is at about 6’3”. To this date, I have no idea what the rod is for—but I nicknamed it the mayday bar because if I ever started to fall, I’d reach up and grab it. I left a fair share of shampoo on that rod each morning—it was either that or hunch over.
Why do people buy transparent shower curtains? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?

While on the subject of height: the bathroom in the offices of The Piggott Times must have been built by Oompa loompas or by the Lollipop kids because if I didn’t duck going in, I’d knock myself out cold and then have a big doorframe indention on my forehead for the next hour.
Also, the office bathroom featured a small target printed on a piece of paper and tacked up assumedly for all to see. Under the target is printed “In case of stress, bang head here.” It must have been placed there by the same Oompa loompas or Lollipop kids because it is level with my knees. Either that, or placed by a woman because you can see it best when you sit.
I remember one of my first arguments with my wife, BJ. We hadn’t been married very long when we had one of those knock-down/drag-outs. You know the kind. And man, it was over a real important issue. You may have had the same argument: does the toilet paper roll over or under? Now THAT is a big deal.
While we’re on toilet paper—why would anyone ever buy the cheap toilet paper for themselves? Cheap tp comes in two types: 1)the sandpaper type. Why would you want to take sandpaper to some of the most tender parts of your body? 2)paper thin-the kind that breaks easily. ‘Nuff said.

Also, I can’t decide which is better, a warm toilet seat or a cold toilet seat. A cold toilet seat is only uncomfortable. A warm toilet seat suggests a recent sitter, and that just gives me the willies.

Another thing that I have to laugh about is the use of matches in bathrooms. My grandfather always lit a match when he left the bathroom, creating a sulfur smell instead of … otherwise. But, isn’t lighting a match in a gaseous room dangerous? Why don’t we ever hear of folks blowing up houses by lighting a match in the bathroom? Would it really surprise us if we heard that? I don’t think we’d be surprised. I think we’d look for the video on Youtube!



Filed under Columns

2 responses to “Is bathroom humor ever clean?

  1. Pingback: Either way, you gotta shake « Roland Mann’s Ramblin’ Weblog

  2. Pingback: Bathroom humor part 3 « Roland Mann’s Ramblin’ Weblog

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